Thursday, June 18, 2009

Dear Barry,

Dear Barry,

Joe was right! You (and our nation) are being tested in unprecedented ways just six months after taking office. Who could have guessed that for once Biden wasn't talking out of his nether regions?

Iran, North Korea, Russia, China... The bullies of the world are getting ready to beat up our nation, and what are you doing? Posturing like a 120 pound asthmatic, violin playing weakling. Were you the kid who was never allowed out of the house to play with the other kids in the neighborhood? I can see you standing at the window while they run around and play with each other, learning all of those vital social skills that will come into play later in their lives.

North Korea is proudly announcing they are going to test another missile - this time aimed in the "general vicinity" of the Hawaiian Islands. What is your response? "Sanctions!" Not just any sanctions, though: "U.N. sanctions!" Oh my, those really are the worse kind of sanctions.

Look, Barry, all you have to do is threaten that little tyrant with an air strike. Just get in his face and do some of that finger pointing you did with Chavez (just what did you say to Chavez during that exchange?).

Look, I'll even send you the correct words to use on your Blackberry: "Hey you little marshmallow. Just who the do you think you're messing with?" At this point, you jab him in the chest with your index finger. Keep jabbing until he flinches.

"Where do you get the cajones to threaten ME and mine? Hey, and while I'm at it, what's with all the animosity towards Hawaii?" Make sure you are making your trademark Obama "stern" face, which will cause Kim to recoil in terror. Then continue: "Look, Kimmie, I'm the only tyrant big enough for this planet, you insignificant little slug, so step down or I'm gonna send you down."

Mr. Jong should, by this point, be stuttering and unable to coherently respond. Make sure all of his ministers, administrators, and family are around, then point to each of them and tell them "And the same goes for you guys too!" Arrange to have a horse head waiting for him in his bed that night, and set up daily deliveries of dead fish wrapped in newspaper - these should be sent to various members of his staff and family. Make sure the fish are not just dead, but stinky and rotten, otherwise the recipients may mistake them for gifts and eat them.

As for Iran, you are for once taking a logical stance (voting "present"), although I'm sure it's for all of the wrong reasons. You probably had orders from your mullah masters to keep your continuously flapping lips shut about what's happening over there.



Chances are, the real reason to keep mum right now is because the Iranian people are protesting for the Type B Tyranny rather than the Type A Tyranny. When the dust settles, I'm sure the mullahs will be back at their sworn jihad against The Great Satan. It's nice of you to help them in this cause, by the way, with your hatred of all things American and your constant demoralization of the people who elected you to office. Thanks, by the way, for the bowing and the apologies to our enemies. Oh, and for the insulting treatment you gave our allies.

The best way to deal with Russia is to recirculate ALL of Reagan's old speeches. Send all of them over to Putin with a note attached: "What he said." It probably won't stop Russia's desire to re-incorporate, but it might slow them down a bit as they try to figure out just what the hell you really stand for.

Our hands are unfortunately, tied when it comes to China. They own us now, so we can't really do much about it, other than learn Chinese and develop a tolerance for MSG. Just look the other way when they send money to our enemies.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch called the Unionized States of America... those of us who already have a health insurance plan and are satisfied with it may keep it, right? Gosh, that's so generous of you! Gee, thanks.

Who do you think you're fooling? First off, this just means that we will be getting double dinged: we'll be paying for our own employer-provided group insurance via reduced wages while at the same time paying higher taxes in order to fund your socialized health care program.

Secondly, you will phase out private insurance. It's inevitable and inexorable. It will happen, of course, because the goal is to create a dependent and wholly new "class" of citizens.

Duh.

And it's all being done, from the front side, for our own good and for the betterment of society and for fairness and equality. However, it's the unions who are going to reap the benefits from the backside. As Milton Friedman said, behind every piece of "good intention" legislation you will find someone behind the scenes pushing for its advancement, whose only interest is for their own gain. Once you have succeeded in socializing every aspect of medical care, it will be a very simple process to turn over the management of the professionals to unions.

The audacity of your complete disregard for our Constitution is breathtaking. Your masters have taught you well. The ignorance of the American people is alarming. You are a magician of some worth, making Houdini look like a cheap card trick amateur on the street corner.

I do hope your policies fail, but that they don't destroy our country in the process.


Sincerely,

A Constitutionalist

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